I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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