Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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