just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize