If that was your dad, he is hot
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
