i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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