Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So. Much. Porn.
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