So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
