I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I believe in your delicious
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
