it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
