I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
