Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
