sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
