Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize