the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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