"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
