dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
third nipple confirmed
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
