She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And then my night got REAL pukey
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
