Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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