Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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