her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
