I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Randomize
