I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
