Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
