There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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