why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
