the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize