Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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