It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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