I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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