She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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