This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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