So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
