Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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