dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
