too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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