I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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