Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
