i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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