Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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