the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
being pregnant is like rehab
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
