if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
