rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
