Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everyone says I win the strip club
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
