FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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