when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
