So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
