O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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