FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
