Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
