It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
