Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
where are you?
Hypothermia
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found the puke drawer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize