a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
