Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
His nipple licking is glorious
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