everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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