I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
