Pants 0. Shit 1.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
