Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
