New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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