Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this boner is exhausting
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
