paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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