hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
