Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
