I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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