After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
