sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
