apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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