who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
